6 - Barn
8 - Mowed Field
He ran a few meters down the row before turning. I can still see the barn from here. Doesn't seem to be anyone around me. Safe as any spot. Derrek got out his phone and dialed for the Chief. He waited a few beeps, watching for any movements.
"Hope you have anything now?" The line came. Derrek was happy he did.
"I caught a girl in the barn." A tiny laugh came through the line. Yeah, that does sound funny. "She was dressed in a Halloween outfit trying to scare me. Her along with at least three others. The screams were them, trying to draw attention it seems. I detained the girl, but I cannot stay with her. I'm heading out to catch the others. They broke and entered both the house and the barn."
"Hmm, good. Call when you got 'em." Derrek blinked in confusion.
"Sir, I cannot catch them alone."
"Derrek, this pudding mess is getting a lot of media attention, I need everyone here. If you can't even catch some kids, tell me, I'll send someone else in your stead and you can return here." Seriously… this guy. Derrek was looking for some words. "So?" A flashlight came from the mowed fields to his right.
"I'll get 'em, sir." Derrek didn't wait for a reply, he closed his phone. The flashlight shone through the orchard. Derrek moved behind one of the fruit trees, hoping it'd be enough. The light passed him without pause. Derrek peeked but couldn't see the person holding the light, blocked by another tree.
The light flicked off again. All right, that one doesn't know where I'm at. I can sneak up on him… or her. No activity at the barn, so perfect time.
Moving through the rows was rough. He had to break branches or go real low and crawl through. The trees weren't to blame, so Derrek crawled wherever he could. He spotted the figure moving, to his right, deeper into the fields, toward the tractor he had spotted from the barn. The figure walked into the light from the tractor. It was pumpkin man, he clearly saw the shape around his head.
Derrek neared the second to final row of the orchard, when he lost the figure beyond the machine. What is he doing there? I expected him to go for Ashley, why is he walking about like he's in Disneyland? Between the rows, he couldn't see the barn door any longer. There wasn't any loud noise either, but of course they'd be quiet if they got to her.
He pushed through into the final row. Behind it, was a mud path just wide enough for the tractors to pass through. The mowed fields beyond it had some pieces of stalks remaining on the ground, but most of it was clean. Except for the mud. The road was worse though. Derrek waited a minute but couldn't spot anything happening around the spot light.
[STORY EDIT -> Derrek doesn't know the tractor is there. He only spotted stacked hay from the barn window with a spotlight. The story will progress forward as if Derrek is just checking out where the guy disappeared to beyond the hay and spotlight. You as a reader will get a foreshadowing to a big crude machination. In the revision, this will be resolved]
I don't like it, this seems like a trap. There ain't a lot of spots he could hide back there though, in the haystack or else he went a whole lot deeper. It doesn't seem like there's anything beyond it, the spotlight is blocking a lot though. I could try circle round.
Derrek followed the orchard row further away from the farmhouse. He walked for a good hundred meters and checked again. He still couldn't see more. The spotlight ate away his further sight. As long as I'm not walking straight in the light, he shouldn't be able to see me either.
He passed through the final row of [fruit, apples or pears?] trees, passed the muddy road and stepped onto the mowed fields toward the stack of hay.
"Hope you have anything now?" The line came. Derrek was happy he did.
"I caught a girl in the barn." A tiny laugh came through the line. Yeah, that does sound funny. "She was dressed in a Halloween outfit trying to scare me. Her along with at least three others. The screams were them, trying to draw attention it seems. I detained the girl, but I cannot stay with her. I'm heading out to catch the others. They broke and entered both the house and the barn."
"Hmm, good. Call when you got 'em." Derrek blinked in confusion.
"Sir, I cannot catch them alone."
"Derrek, this pudding mess is getting a lot of media attention, I need everyone here. If you can't even catch some kids, tell me, I'll send someone else in your stead and you can return here." Seriously… this guy. Derrek was looking for some words. "So?" A flashlight came from the mowed fields to his right.
"I'll get 'em, sir." Derrek didn't wait for a reply, he closed his phone. The flashlight shone through the orchard. Derrek moved behind one of the fruit trees, hoping it'd be enough. The light passed him without pause. Derrek peeked but couldn't see the person holding the light, blocked by another tree.
The light flicked off again. All right, that one doesn't know where I'm at. I can sneak up on him… or her. No activity at the barn, so perfect time.
Moving through the rows was rough. He had to break branches or go real low and crawl through. The trees weren't to blame, so Derrek crawled wherever he could. He spotted the figure moving, to his right, deeper into the fields, toward the tractor he had spotted from the barn. The figure walked into the light from the tractor. It was pumpkin man, he clearly saw the shape around his head.
Derrek neared the second to final row of the orchard, when he lost the figure beyond the machine. What is he doing there? I expected him to go for Ashley, why is he walking about like he's in Disneyland? Between the rows, he couldn't see the barn door any longer. There wasn't any loud noise either, but of course they'd be quiet if they got to her.
He pushed through into the final row. Behind it, was a mud path just wide enough for the tractors to pass through. The mowed fields beyond it had some pieces of stalks remaining on the ground, but most of it was clean. Except for the mud. The road was worse though. Derrek waited a minute but couldn't spot anything happening around the spot light.
[STORY EDIT -> Derrek doesn't know the tractor is there. He only spotted stacked hay from the barn window with a spotlight. The story will progress forward as if Derrek is just checking out where the guy disappeared to beyond the hay and spotlight. You as a reader will get a foreshadowing to a big crude machination. In the revision, this will be resolved]
I don't like it, this seems like a trap. There ain't a lot of spots he could hide back there though, in the haystack or else he went a whole lot deeper. It doesn't seem like there's anything beyond it, the spotlight is blocking a lot though. I could try circle round.
Derrek followed the orchard row further away from the farmhouse. He walked for a good hundred meters and checked again. He still couldn't see more. The spotlight ate away his further sight. As long as I'm not walking straight in the light, he shouldn't be able to see me either.
He passed through the final row of [fruit, apples or pears?] trees, passed the muddy road and stepped onto the mowed fields toward the stack of hay.
Continue reading: 8 - Mowed Field
Any feedback?
V1 - raw